It's been six months since we first became more than acquaintances. It's been exactly half a year since I opened up my heart to you and asked you to be mines. Six months since my first kiss. Probably not the most impressive feat to others, but to me, it's been the best months of my life where I finally discovered someone I can truly relate to. Of course, we have dissimilarities but those things we didn't have in common never stopped me from seeing the real you. I gradually understood that you've always cared for me ever since six months ago. You might not have always shown it, but it was always there. That heartfelt notion you gave me every time you smiled at me, whether it was a simple joke or whenever I told you that I love you, always left me with some of the most indescribable feelings I've ever had. Sometimes, the hair on my skin even seems to stand up whenever I hear you say those three magical string of words.
That motto of yours truly kept me "fighting" for you, and gave me every ounce of strength to create a better me. Sometimes I never learned, and probably treated you with the worst intentions, but you never let go and took what some may say the "easy way out". The negativity that I surrounded your bright aura always made you frustrated but you always denied the fact that you were annoyed by them. We've had our shares of mishaps and in truth, it will always keep coming, but I know for sure that we can solve the issues to come.
When you lay beside me, your hands overlapping across my chest, head tilted to touch my cheek, it feels so right. Like I don't even give a damn about anything anymore. Just the scent of you makes me relax and slacked up. It discloses all undesirable questions. Who cares what others may think. Never had ever since, so why should I start now. Maybe I'm not the best person for you, but I know I can make you happy. If that's god enough for you, then I'm here to pour my heart out for you and no one else. Hey, you made me into the person I am... Shaped me into becoming more real with myself... more real with you.
And so, to end this post, I'd like to greet you with soo much feelings: Happy six months, Ris. We've got ways to go, but I'm definitely, definitely up for it...
The new year. It's been almost one month into the new year and well, some things changed while others remained the same. I'm still the broken-down, desperate thinker that annoyingly clings on to my one and only. There are still a lot of arguments that puts as back tenfold into the peak of what our relationship once were. I still very much cling on and prefer the previous style of our relationship when everything was all so delicate and dear. But in the end, I know it's all just for show. It's actually becoming a routine. I complain about the changes you made. You tell me things are going to be different. The differences are displayed temporarily. Then, finally, I beg for us to return to how things were despite my blind thoughts of a "harsh" situation. We supposedly put behind the bad moments and realities we had in the previous year. Of course, some instances requires us to bring up unwanted subjects of jealousy, denial, rejection, fights, and the list goes on. Tiring repetition goes on and on and on. Who's fault could that be? None other than me. This flaw of mine is my true nature. A very possessive person, indeed, with selfish desires and one who constantly challenges the webs of intricately unbalanced, yet sound, judgment. My assumptions goes far beyond my reach and thus, we tend to create back-and-forth battles.
At times, I feel empty. Like I don't belong. This state made me reach out at first but to be scolded like a child, I had to set back my shaking hands into the shadows were it really belongs. I mean, who am I to tell you who to be with? Who am I to assume anything at all? Who am I to even think that I deserve you? These arguments begin and ends with me. You don't deserve that. Not even a bit. But it doesn't mean you can treat me like a pushover. When you neglect me, I feel undesired. And when you let my emotions run wild, I can't think straight and act on impulse. So no matter what I do on situations where I don't have a sense of control, don't take it so heavily. I know you don't show much of it, but I believe you're affected by the little things I complain about. Pushing me aside isn't doing you or me a favor, so we should talk about the touchy problems we've come across.
The new year has been so-and-so. I hope that we really do come back to realizing every detail we once looked at and admired about each other. Lastly, thanks again for being the only motivation in my life and for deeply understanding that I'm going through rough times that's difficult to fix...
It's been six months since we first became more than acquaintances. It's been exactly half a year since I opened up my heart to you and asked you to be mines. Six months since my first kiss. Probably not the most impressive feat to others, but to me, it's been the best months of my life where I finally discovered someone I can truly relate to. Of course, we have dissimilarities but those things we didn't have in common never stopped me from seeing the real you. I gradually understood that you've always cared for me ever since six months ago. You might not have always shown it, but it was always there. That heartfelt notion you gave me every time you smiled at me, whether it was a simple joke or whenever I told you that I love you, always left me with some of the most indescribable feelings I've ever had. Sometimes, the hair on my skin even seems to stand up whenever I hear you say those three magical string of words.
