The new year. It's been almost one month into the new year and well, some things changed while others remained the same. I'm still the broken-down, desperate thinker that annoyingly clings on to my one and only. There are still a lot of arguments that puts as back tenfold into the peak of what our relationship once were. I still very much cling on and prefer the previous style of our relationship when everything was all so delicate and dear. But in the end, I know it's all just for show. It's actually becoming a routine. I complain about the changes you made. You tell me things are going to be different. The differences are displayed temporarily. Then, finally, I beg for us to return to how things were despite my blind thoughts of a "harsh" situation. We supposedly put behind the bad moments and realities we had in the previous year. Of course, some instances requires us to bring up unwanted subjects of jealousy, denial, rejection, fights, and the list goes on. Tiring repetition goes on and on and on. Who's fault could that be? None other than me. This flaw of mine is my true nature. A very possessive person, indeed, with selfish desires and one who constantly challenges the webs of intricately unbalanced, yet sound, judgment. My assumptions goes far beyond my reach and thus, we tend to create back-and-forth battles.At times, I feel empty. Like I don't belong. This state made me reach out at first but to be scolded like a child, I had to set back my shaking hands into the shadows were it really belongs. I mean, who am I to tell you who to be with? Who am I to assume anything at all? Who am I to even think that I deserve you? These arguments begin and ends with me. You don't deserve that. Not even a bit. But it doesn't mean you can treat me like a pushover. When you neglect me, I feel undesired. And when you let my emotions run wild, I can't think straight and act on impulse. So no matter what I do on situations where I don't have a sense of control, don't take it so heavily. I know you don't show much of it, but I believe you're affected by the little things I complain about. Pushing me aside isn't doing you or me a favor, so we should talk about the touchy problems we've come across.
The new year has been so-and-so. I hope that we really do come back to realizing every detail we once looked at and admired about each other. Lastly, thanks again for being the only motivation in my life and for deeply understanding that I'm going through rough times that's difficult to fix...
