Only Time Will Tell...

Is timing everything? When you get the feeling that you're a hundred percent sure that you're in love, when's the right time to say it? I thought about how romantic it would be to tell Ris that I love her during her birthday celebration. I didn't know that anxiety, regret, and disappointment followed with it...

Point Reyes National Seashore, California. For her birthday, I drove her to one of the beaches at Point Reyes. The drive there was filled with excitement and joy as we had conversations of flattery, roadside point of interests, us, directions, and other small talks. Just being with her was enough. Listening to her amusing jokes, or her laugh, or glancing at her to see her smile gave me a comfortable feeling that made me relax. I felt like nothing mattered anymore when I'm with her. They say that you should live life to the fullest because taking everyday just for granted will lead to regret. I felt like I was living my life to its fullest and it was one of the best feelings that I've ever had.


With everything going so well, I felt like the time was now. After settling down at a decent spot on the beach and after much hesitation and pondering at the possible outcomes, I whispered and told her that I loved her. To my surprise, she took it like it was no big deal. It was as if I was saying it just because. She smiled and assured me that she was happy. But she never even mentioned that she loved me back. In a way, it was somewhat painful but also relieving. The ideal setting for a not-so-ideal ending.

On our way home, she told me that people say that if you progress in a quick manner, the relationship that you build will also go downhill quickly. I believed so too. I definitely agreed with this and so, I had a huge regret in revealing my burst feelings for her. Maybe it wasn't the right time. I wished that I could rewind time and just kept my mouth shut for now. The rest of the drive home was silence. She held my hand while I stared at the road thinking about the day. So much for perfect timing. I didn't feel bad or anything. I understood that it was all too much over a course of only one month together. I, myself, was unsure if it was the right time. I'm willing to take back what I said to her and save it for some other time.

I definitely don't want to force her to say it to me. That would just be false love. And so, I'll keep my head up and won't let it bother me at all. There's plenty of time and I've realize that living your life to the fullest is a good concept but there are risks attached to it. And so, I'll live my life casually. We haven't been through that much to call it love anyways. It's no big deal. I guess only time will tell...

To conclude this post, Happy Birthday, Ris! Why does it feel that even though it's her birthday I'm the one who got the gift? =]