A Boost of Confidence

I guess this post can be considered as a prologue on how I started changing my ways in the Social Game we all play. You might not know it, but you play the same game. Dressing up with the recent trend, letting commercials and ads tell you what to eat, what to drink, where to go, and constantly trying to improve yourself for others to notice you. Yup, that's the game everyone tries to get involved in. Some may argue "Oh, but I'm shy though." Sure you are, I mean categorizing yourself is also part of the game. If you can label yourself as a shy person, or an emo kid, or an athlete, or whatever, you're still in it.

Anyways, before I even met Ris, which was the start of Summer '09, there was another girl that interested me. To protect her identity, let's call her Gel. See, Gel's life is pretty much controlled by her overprotective parents. So, she's pretty much locked up in her own little world but what amazes me is how social this girl was despite the restriction her parents gave her. Every opportunity she gets to go out, she'll take it. At some point I had some speculation about who she really was. And so, I mistakenly labeled her as a flirt. I've really seen her as a desperate gal looking for some companion in life and I was willing to give it.

Don't get the wrong idea though. Remember, this was all before I met Ris, and of course you have to understand that no one wants to be alone. And so, I talked to her a few times, met her in person, really got to know her. But there was something missing. I never had any strong feelings for her. Call me a jerk, but I started considering her as a lil sister instead of something more. I think it all started when other people was mentioned in our conversations. I mean, who wants to hear about other guys from the girl you're interested in? No one. Someone once told me that they just want to be noticed by you or feel important enough for you to chase after them. I apologize, but I don't want to chase after someone I was having second thoughts about. Besides, I never ran too far due to my lack of self-confidence.

The calls stop after sometime. Excuses were made. The last time I saw her in person was the night after our high school graduation. In a way, it was a relief but even throughout this summer, I've thought about "what ifs" and the memories that were created. I kind of just shrugged it off after a while.

But, she did give me something valuable. A boost of confidence. This confidence was what I was lacking throughout high school. I was never outgoing and was passive towards people. But then I came to a realization that I wasn't all that complicated, or had a really terrible personality, or even looked like I was from Mars. To say the least, I owe her... Thanks, Gel.